Opening Hearts and Minds

Opening Hearts and Minds

By Gary Halperin

I am a Professional level Meditation and Yoga Teacher. I decided to volunteer to teach meditation weekly at a Sarasota center that helps men who have various challenges–low income, lack of schooling, drug or alcohol addiction, relationship/parenting issues, etc.

When I arrived in the evening, there were about 50 guys in a large common room. They were relaxing–playing cards, watching a basketball game on TV, chatting. Many eyes turned toward me. I walked toward a man who seemed to be overseeing the activity in the room.

”Are you here to teach meditation?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I said.

“First day, right? My name is Steve.”

Some of the guys overheard our conversation. “Hey, I want to learn how to meditate. Can I go?,” they asked Steve. He nodded and then announced to the entire room, “There is a meditation class in the classroom. Go if you want.”

10 men and I went into the classroom and filled all of the chairs. There were 3 long tables in a row. I sat facing the door at one of the tables—my students filled out the other two. They all appeared open, friendly, and curious. They could not have been more welcoming. I would guess they were between the ages of about 25 and 60. I asked each of them to say their names and one thing no one in the room knew about them.

Simon said “I lived in France.”

Greg (oldest one) offered : “I like to dance.”

Doug, Alvis, Chance…They all had interesting answers.

We were vibing, having fun.

Then the door opened. It was Steve.

He announced, “I just found out from the director of programs that meditation is meant to be for everyone so we are doing it in the common area.”

My new friends and I looked at each other, shrugged, and filed out.

Some of the guys in the common room were not happy with this change of plans and made that known. No matter, everyone eventually settled in and we began.

“My name is Gary. I have been teaching yoga and meditation for over 30 years [that got me an audible signal that I had some cred]. I get that some of you do not want to be at this class. Maybe next week we will do it in the classroom just for the guys who are interested. This is going to be painless, won’t last too long, you can pay attention or not. Just try not to disturb those who are interested.”

Already, the atmosphere softened. Even the most skeptical guys looked like they were going to give me a chance. And I knew I had my original 10 out there who were interested. And many others seemed open and just relaxed about what was happening.

I continued, “My goal is to teach you how to have a daily 15-minute meditation practice. I believe the world is a better place if there are more people who meditate. That is why I am here. Meditation has many proven benefits like stress reduction, improved decision making, and feeling more calm. It is simple to learn but hard to stick with. I have developed a style that makes it tolerable and sometimes enjoyable to sit still and quietly with your eyes closed and stay awake for 15 minutes. Doing that on a daily basis, after you have been instructed in a technique, is what many studies show is all you need to do to get benefits from meditation.”

I taught them my technique: once you close your eyes you can choose to focus on your breathing, choose to say to yourself “no reaction” after one thought or series of thoughts, or choose to do nothing. There is nothing you have to do with your mind to get the benefits. The room was quiet as I spoke. They were mostly attentive. Then they asked some good questions.

We meditated for 5 minutes. During the meditation, there was some laughing and some movement in the crowd. I explained as we meditated that this was all just part of the experience–that they might say to themselves “no reaction to these interruptions or any kind of noise.”

After the meditation, I talked some more, clarified some points, and said we were going to meditate again. “Any questions before we begin?” No one raised their hands. From the back of the room, a gentleman spoke out, “You explained everything really well”.

We meditated again. This time for 10 minutes. It was mostly quiet. When we were done, I observed that many of them seemed to be more relaxed, more curious, more open. I took some more questions: “What do you know about chakras?” “What about yoga nidra?” “Where did you study yoga and meditation?”

I told them I would be back in a week. Were there any last comments or questions? A man up front said with a sly grin “No reaction.”

Several guys came up to thank me. I noticed there was a lot of kindness and acceptance in many of their eyes.

Steve thanked me. I walked toward the door. There were some more thank you’s and goodbyes.

Then one guy said something to another. The man replied, “No reaction.” That drew a laugh from the guys nearby.

I departed the center with a smile on my face.

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A week later, I arrived at the center for my evening class. Steve welcomed me warmly.

He announced, “Meditation in the classroom.”

10 guys came in, and we began.

I asked each to say their name and where they were born. Some replies: Queens, New York; Sarasota; Ohio, New Jersey, North Carolina, Peru, and the Dominican Republic. I replied to that guy that I had lived in the DR when I served in the Peace Corps.

They all were relaxed, friendly, and earnest. I reviewed everything from the first session and took some interesting questions.

We closed our eyes to meditate.

I walked them through the 3 steps that open my style of meditation.

1. Ask yourself how you are feeling.

2. Acknowledge where you are and the moment you are in.

3. Remind yourself of the tools you might use as you sit with your eyes closed–you can choose to focus on your breathing or can choose to say to yourself “no reaction” after one thought or after a short or long chain of thoughts.

Then we sat in silence for 6 minutes. Meaning we were all silent. There was a symphony of ambient noises from the common room— the tv, music, men chatting. I reminded them that this is all part of the process.

We closed the meditation with my prescribed 3 steps:

1. Ask yourself how you are feeling.

2. Acknowledge where you are and the moment you are in.

3. Open your eyes.

We talked about the experience. Then I asked them if they wanted to do a longer meditation, and the sentiment was yes.

This time we meditated for 12 minutes. When we were done, there was a feeling of stillness and peace in the room. I asked what answer they gave to themselves to the question “Where were they?”

“Alive”

“At peace”

“With God”

I said I would be back next week. They thanked me, we left the classroom, and I headed toward the door. I was feeling very fortunate to have met these gentlemen.

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On my third visit to the center, my ten regular guys came into the classroom and one additional man, Raul, who was new to the center. He seemed very agitated and upset, seemingly not wanting to be there. He said he was feeling anxious and that Steve recommended he join the class, and he was going to try it.I told him I was sorry he was not feeling well and did not have to do anything except try not to disturb the class.

As we began, everyone but Raul was attentive and interested and open. He was quiet, but clearly not paying attention. I reminded everyone that my goal is that they will start a 15-minute daily meditation practice. I reviewed my meditation technique. We meditated for 6 minutes, talked about it, and then meditated again for 12. People shared all positive things. Then Raul chimed in “I was dreaming about children of many different races being all together relaxed and happy.”

I didn’t know if he was being sarcastic or not. But I said, “That is what we have here.” There were hispanics, blacks, and whites in the room. One of the guys chuckled and said, “Yea, that’s right, that is what is happening.” I said in a light way, “Raul, your dream is actually reality.”

I told the guys that the main part of the class was done. I was now going to do a guided meditation, and they could stay if they wanted to. Everyone did.

I led them in what is called “Loving Kindness Meditation.” I instructed them to bring people to mind one at a time: someone they love, someone they see all the time but don’t know their name (like the mail carrier or a store clerk), someone they are angry with, and themselves. I instructed them to say these words to themselves as they envisioned each person: “May you be happy, may you be well, may you be peaceful, and may you be at ease.”

When we ended the meditation, their eyes were wide. They said they felt very relaxed. One guy said “That was the best 5 minutes of my life.”

As I was leaving, Raul said, “I am sorry I was not paying attention at first.” I thanked him and said not to worry–it was all good. As I opened the door, he called out “I used to take the yoga classes on Siesta Beach.”

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A week later I returned and entered, and there was Raul. We both immediately smiled at each other. My 10 regulars came into the classroom, and one new guy joined us. We were all relaxed and friendly with each other. I had learned their names. Since there was a new person, I told them I would review the philosophy behind what I teach and the technique itself. I said it always helps to hear it again and that I had heard it hundreds of times from my own voice.

We did the normal routine–short meditation, discussion, longer meditation. The new guy made some interesting comments and asked some interesting questions.

I told them I had donated two copies of my book “Meditate, Relax, Repeat” to their library. The library is in the classroom where I teach. As I was leaving the room, one guy said to another, “There are a couple good novels on the shelf if you can find them.” He added “I’ve been into gardening books lately,” and he took one off the shelf.

I walked toward the exit door, and, as I neared it, there was Raul sitting at a table. He said, “I was meditating on this book,” and he showed it to me. It was “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.

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I returned to the center a week later for for my regular 7:30 pm class.

Soon my regulars and again one newcomer came into the room. We are all very comfortable and gracious with each other. Two of the guys said they have meditated every day since our first class 5 weeks ago. I inquired if anyone had read my books on how to meditate which I had donated to the center. Several had. One guy said, “There is a copy floating around, I saw it on a table in the common room.”

I asked each to say their favorite color. Then I reviewed the meditation technique I developed, and the rationale behind it. We did our regular short meditation, sharing, longer meditation, and another sharing. Their questions and comments were intelligent, sincere, and thought-provoking. We then did the loving-kindness meditation we did in the third session. When that was over, one guy said “that was very powerful.”

I thanked them all for coming. As must be obvious to anyone who has read these essay, I was getting as much or more out of this experience than any of them. As I was leaving the classroom, one guy said “I really appreciate your time.”

I walked toward the door. I passed a sturdy looking man who I might be intimated of if I passed him on a dark street. He said “Hey man, good to see you,” and offered a fist bump. Other guys came over, and there was Raul smiling ear to ear. “I read your book!” he said. Other guys chimed in with appreciation “You wrote a book?” “I can’t believe you wrote a book?”

Gary Halperin is a Professional-level Certified Yoga and Meditation Teacher. He has been teaching for over 30 years. Through his books and workshops, he has taught thousands of people his Relaxation Meditation technique. He is the author of Feel Better Now: Meditation for Stress Reduction and Relaxation and Meditate, Relax, Repeat: Start a Daily Meditation Practice. You can connect with Gary at his website www.MeditateRelaxRepeat.com